| Back Log No. 2: First Semester in College: Lonely in the beginning |
[Jul. 7th, 2005|05:01 pm] |
My first semester at college:
I still had not made the amount of "friends" that I had expected. I had this expectation that I would meet so many people and bond with these new "friends' extremely well. I thought that I would be somewhat popular with a very active social agenda.
However, 3 or 4 weeks into my first semester, I just could not seem to find this "social circle" at this new school. Some days I could shrug off this feeling and chalk it up to it being a new environment. I could sometimes talk myself into believing that it would get better soon. Sometimes, I could pretend that the people I had already met were part of the perfect group. This presented a problem because they were not the most encouraging people. Some even seemed disinterested in me.
The best remedy for these feelings were tours of the campus, completing my assignments, watching my favorite shows (occasionally), and joining campus clubs. I did these things, but at the time, I did not realize that there were helping me. So, instead I often moped around and felt a little sad and lonely. At one point, I began to eat. I ate a heavy breakfast, heavier lunch, and heavy dinner.
Often, I would sleep after these meals. Until one day, I woke up with a gasp. I could not breathe. There was a struggle to breathe and wake up. I had to push the extra weight off of my chest in order to regain my breathing. When I sat up, all I could do was cry. What had just happened? Why couldn't I breathe? When or how could that happen again?
I called my mother, who quickly drove to my dorm and took me to the hospital. Eventually, after speaking with my doctor, we found out that I had gained too much weight. My mom had been telling me to watch my eating habits. She had noticed weeks before and warned me.
Yet, saddened by this discovery, I immediately returned to the college cafeteria and ate an ample lunch. I did not like this condition. I knew I was in trouble and still continued to eat.
I had to do something. My mother urged me, "You have to eat right. You have no choice." She ate healthy with me. In three weeks, I lost 17 pounds. By the end of the first semester, I had attended a lovely party that I still remember today. It did not matter that I was not the most popular student. It was not important that I was not dating. I felt victorious for having lost weight. Also, since I had been doing my homework, joining clubs, and participating in class discussions I made the dean's list and started a new organization at school.
You don't have to be the life of the party at every party. You just have to be a leader and keep focused. |
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| Backlog No. 1: Orientation |
[Apr. 6th, 2005|11:11 am] |
Backlog Number One: Orientation
Orientation was a three day event. It involved spending three days and two nights at the college. It was mandatory. I had all of these expectations in mind. First, I imagined meeting so many new friends. Then forming bonds like the ones illustrated on "Friends," "Saved by the Bell," or "90210." (I would have named "Girlfriends," but the show had not aired prior to my sophomore year in college. I wanted to blossom socially.
However, orientation was different from all images in my head. There was one big feature I neglected to reflect upon: I did not know anyone. Everything was new. New faces, new cultures, new customs. Each person, secretly as nervous as I was, intimidated the urge to strike up conversation and potential friendship. This was not like any of the shows aforementioned. This was definitely harder.
On day one, we were separated into groups in order to "get to know one another." We also had a Peer Leader. My PL's name was Jenny (I am changing the name to maintain confidentiality). She was perky and smiled a lot. She was a Junior at my new school, and a cheerleader. However, I noticed a difference in the way she interacted with me. SHe seemed more friendlier with the other students in my group. She made an extra attempt to involve them in activities. Okay..Okay..., she had to beg the others to participate. As for me, I was eager to learn more about my new school, however, when I asked questions, I would receive a dry, "What!" or "you have to ask your professor when you attend classes." She was very distant toward me. It did not bother me much. I chalked it up to a racial barrier. Perhaps, she did not know how to interact with me. I was the only person in the group of my ethnicity.
Nevertheless, I met two very helpful PL's who were not only willing to help me, but made me feel so comfortable.
Day one of our three day orientation event was nice, but I wanted to meet people. Everyone there seemed like a potential friend. The whole day went by and I had not formed any groups like my other classmates. However, something happened that night. We (students and I) were in the downstairs lobby of our temporary dorm. Everyone was so quiet, timid and somewhat shy. It was 11 PM. Someone turned on the TV, and said, "What's everyone want to watch?" Unanimously, we requested 'Friends.' Automatically, we began trading accounts of our favorite episodes.
I felt to relieved. Not only was the ice broken, but I found out that I shared a lot in common with my new classmates. I even had the chance to play some piano. From that point on, I felt better. I had new buddies and some familiar faces around campus. Lesson learned: orientation can be fun. Not everyone is as different as they seem. |
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| Backlog of Freshmen Year in college |
[Apr. 6th, 2005|11:06 am] |
Backlog of Freshmen Year
I'm going to enter anecdotes from my freshmen year in college. I have some interesting stories to share. These things occurred a while ago, but they serve as nice lessons for those interested in the stories. |
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| Chickened out again... |
[Aug. 30th, 2004|11:13 am] |
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Would you believe it? I chickened out again. I had yet another chance to talk to a cute guy I've noticed for quite a while, and I didn't go for it. The main problem is knowing what to say, and not sounding like an idiot. Well, Journal, I'll update you on my progress. |
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| Graduating |
[Jul. 20th, 2004|02:44 am] |
Hi Journal,
It's been a long time since I submitted an entry into the journal. Since the last time I recorded a message here I made a few accomplishments.
Well, I'll start by announcing my graduation from college. It took five years to finish, and this past May I graduated. It's a wonderful experience. I started this journal in April. Perhaps, I will backlog some of my experiences throughout college (including Freshmen year) within this journal. Graduating is a wonderful event. After all the struggles, you become stronger. The guest speakers were wonderful also.
In addition to graduation, I have lost some weight. I began to lose weight after graduation. It feel really wonderful, however, I am working to keep the weight off. |
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| Friendship |
[Apr. 27th, 2004|10:33 am] |
Hi journal,
Sometimes, I think about friendship. Things like, What is friendship? Is friendship this formalized union, like how a couple formalizes their union through a marriage ceremony. In that way, I often ponder friendship.
It's unique how people affect your life. Often a smile, a somber story, or a shared experience can do so much to a person. Often, we affect others without even knowing, acknowledging, or recounting.
I was affected by a lecture one of my classmates made a couple of weeks ago. He spoke about a topic you hear about on television a lot. However, it felt different to hear a live account. The message and lesson he shared with the class, is still fresh in my mind. When I hear certain stories on television or radio, I am reminded of my dear classmate who probably doesn't even know how much his lectures has affected me.
I want to affect people in a positive way throughout life. So, what is friendship? Does a sudden feeling of admiration for an individual warrant passage to friendship? When my classmates and associates strike accord with my inner feelings and experiences, do I approach them in an attempt to induce future friendship?
Sometimes, there are people who seem interesting. It's kind of like when you have an interest in a prospective significant other...except, there's only an intrigue and interest in friendship: only wanting to know more about another person. |
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| Weightloss, new projects! |
[Apr. 27th, 2004|10:19 am] |
Hi journal,
I'm working on a few new projects.
I'm working on my weight loss goals and a new positive attitude. This time, I know I can accomplish, through God's grace, my goals. It will take time. The process is slow. I was told last week by my doctor that I had to lose the weight. Health problems could arise and persist if I don't act cautiously. SO, that's the plan. I want to do my best and succeed.
Today, so far,for breakfast I ate i/2 a cup of oatmeal and 3/4 of a yogurt drink. I should n't have eaten both. My mom already warned me not to eat the pre-packaged yogurt smoothies, but since it was given to me free of charge, I consume about 3/4 of it contents. I don't want to dwell on my early mistake, so my next step will be to move on from here.
I am thankful for being able to see the colors of spring today, so thankful that the colors and flowers are here.
I have another recent project. I am learning to drive. It's a unique challenge. This past weekend, I was a little discouraged, but I have faith in God that I will get better. My family and friends have been very encouraging and supportive. I am thankful. |
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| School work (brief) |
[Apr. 11th, 2004|01:56 pm] |
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I am thankful to be here today! I'm working on my school projects...can't wait to graduate. I went off my diet, and I am anxious to get back on it. I hope my projects at school turn out alright. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2004|12:24 am] |
Hi Journal,
I am thankful for another day! Thankful for the trees, and other things we are able to see. Weightloss is getting a little bit better. I would like to do even better. I guess the beginning is the hardest part. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2004|11:17 pm] |
Hi Journal,
I am thankful to be able to continue the process to lose weight. I hope I am successful in losing weight. I have faith in God that I will get better at losing weight and sticking to my goals. Sometimes it seems difficult. Today was better. I am beginning to see the challenge more clearly. I feel better and am thankful to start the challenge. |
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| Life goals... |
[Mar. 31st, 2004|09:56 am] |
Hi Journal,
Perhaps, I have began to re-examine my life goals. After seeing the pain and grief on the faces of my community's youth (a group of which I am a member), I hope to inspire my peers; it appears that one of the communities' youth has passed away (perhaps due to violence). I feel sorry for the fellow youth that I did not have the opportunity to meet. I also feel sorry for the peers, friends, locker-mates, family, teachers, and classmates of the young person. I only hope that I can provide, someday, something for my community that will help others, especially the youth in my community. I know I may sound a bit redundant ("youth" and "community"), but I feel that I may be able to help in some way. Perhaps, a seemingly small contribution (physical or monetary)may yield beneficial results. |
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| Weightloss |
[Mar. 30th, 2004|11:25 am] |
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I'm just starting to exercise. The most difficult part is getting started. Although, I technically started, I haven't grasped the concept of consistency. I'm trying, but at times I am insecure with the prospective results. |
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